Game Day.

Summer, the two weeks that we had it here...is almost over. The schools start here in a few days, the leaves are starting to change, the nights are cool and crisp. Which also means College Football.

World Breastfeeding Week.

Well the week is almost over. I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about my story or not. I'm a big fan of breastfeeding, but I'm not like an activist or anything. I will encourage women to do it, but I understand when a women decides that it's not for them.

The four months that Mister and I had a nursing relationship was wonderful. It was hard, it was amazing, it was painful, it was tiring, and it was the best. And I miss it with all my heart.

We started off rough. He was almost three weeks early and so he was slow to latch. He was just so tired all the time. I also had...unknowingly to me...inverted nipples. All of the nurses at the hospital..all but one...were wonderful. They helped me a lot. We ended up staying an extra day to make sure once he latched, that he was eating. When we got home though...it was a different story. Whatever I had done right in the hospital, wasn't working anymore. And my milk came in. I was engorged and in pain and I needed to feed him. He was four days old, and to be honest, I'm not sure if he had eaten much that day. Luckily he wasn't starving...it was mostly me who was freaking out. I wanted this to work so bad.

I was feeding him with a syringe and crying and A knelt in front of us and asked me when I wanted to stop trying. He didn't want to force me to stop...he knew I wanted this so bad. He just wanted to be on the same page as me so that if I said I'm done trying, then he could rush out and buy some formula and bottles. He then reminded me that we knew a lady that was a part of the La Leche League and was willing to come and help anyone if needed. I gave her a call, after a little prodding and she came over at 7 that night. I sat in the rocking chair, and showed her what I was doing. She said that everything I was trying was right. Then she sent A to the hospital for two "tools" and when he got back with them, and I used them....it worked. I never felt so much relief. Mister started to nurse. And we didn't stop.

He started to gain weight like a champ. He always wanted to eat, and I happily obliged. I wasn't confident with nursing in public, but if I found a comfortable seat, and a pillow, and a blanket I was fine. I knew that no matter who was holding him, if he got hungry...I was the one who got to hold him to feed him. It was selfish I know...but I loved it.

Then things started to go back downhill. I started to dry up on one side. I pumped after every time I nursed, drank a lot of water and almost always started on that side, and it still didn't work. One day, I just knew it was empty. That was that.

So I was down to one side. I would still try to pump on both sides and I would only get a couple of drops off of the bad side, and maybe, MAYBE 4 oz from the other. On a good day. I was trying to build up a stock because I knew I was going to be going back to work soon and that he was going to be at day care. I started taking Fenugreek to try to up my supply. More water...Everything and Anything. Once I went back to work it got harder. We had to start supplementing formula at work because I just wasn't pumping enough for him through out the day. So then at home, he would start out nursing and then still need a 4 oz bottle after I was empty. Then he got to where he didn't even want to nurse because he knew it was just easier to be fed the bottle. So Sunday May 9th...Mason nursed his last time. I cried. And cried. And cried.

I knew it would be ok. I knew he would be just as healthy and probably happier. I knew he would start to sleep longer at night. I knew Arick would be able to feed him more and easier. I knew it would be ok.

I also knew that I would give ANYTHING not to stop. Almost 3 months later...I still miss it. I still wish things had been different. I know now what I need to do different next time. I know that next time will be easier. And better. And longer.

birthdays.

I got me a little package today.

I love mail. Just so you...whoever you are...knows. I love getting things that aren't bills or junk in the mail. Handwritten letters, cards...store bought or homemade...packages, money...etc. :)

The UPS guy parked in front of our neighbor...the church...so Arick thought it was something he was expecting. Instead, it was something that I wasn't expecting. :)



My seester sent me a birthday present. Or I guess I should say presentssss.



A pear towel, an apple towel, and the most ADORABLE half apron that you could ever imagine. She knows me toooooo well.



Come on!

Buttons on the pockets, rick-rack on the edge of the towels?!

A-frickin-dorable.



I love her.

I love the present.

Thanks. To the best sisser that I could ever ask for. Love ya!

Separation

Mason has a new trick.

He starts out looking like this.

Mama is here, standing next to me, I can see her.

Then she leaves my line of vision.
Mind you, I haven't even left the room.

Then he looks like this.



Or this.



I say his name, he smiles.

Then cries.

I've been home with pink eye for the past three days and I have yet to get a thing done. I ran out with him to the store and he fell asleep in the carseat. That was at 1:30ish...it's now 3:45 and he is looking at me from the seat the he just woke up in.

I really just hope that this separation anxiety stuff doesn't get worse.

6 months

Mason is 6 months old.
It is shocking to me how fast it is going. He is doing new things DAILY. Sometimes, when he wakes up, I think that he looks and acts older than when I put him down...even for naps.

New things that he is doing:

-Rolling both ways, all the time, and fast.
-Grabbing for toys
-Pulling his binky out and putting it back in.
-Eating Cereal
-Sleeping in his own room
-Has his two bottom teeth
-freezing and looking for dad whenever he talks (including Sunday Mornings at church, while Dad preaches)
-Laughing without getting the hiccups...this is not all the time, but it just recently started. :)

My heart is so full.

grasping at straws

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing life all wrong. My relationship with God, my marriage, being a mom, my housework, my job...even the small things...like remembering to brush my teeth, or take out my contacts. There are days where all day I feel this way, then there are just pieces of days that feel like this. Last night was one.

My boy hasn't been a good sleeper. I think that it has a lot to do with a lot of things. I think that I have messed him up, but I also think that he just doesn't want to sleep. Especially in a different room than all the action. Sometimes I put him down when he's drowsy and he'll cry a little then go to sleep. Othertimes, when I have missed him all day, I'll hold him till he falls asleep then lay him down. Either option he'll sleep until 1 am-ish. Now because he is still in the same room as us, this is where things get tricky. I really don't want to disturb A's sleep. So I get up almost right away and try to soothe him without picking him up. Put his binky in, rub his back, adjust blankies, etc. Usually nothing works, so I'll pick him up and soothe him, then lay him back down. He sleeps for a few minutes, then wakes up again. Still not wanting to disturb A, I pick him up again. Little do I know, A has been awake the whole time. So my last ditch effort for all of us to get some sleep is for my boy to come to bed with us. He calms right down, and I get to go back to sleep. About a half hour later, A can't take it anymore, kisses us and goes into the guest room. I hate it.

I miss sleeping in the same room...same bed as my husband. I NEVER planned on being a cosleeper. It scared me. And as much as I love to snuggle with my babe, I am ready to have my bed back again. And my husband.

So last night, I decided it was time. He has been fighting sleep for the past couple of nights, so I said, "Say good night to Daddy, were going to bed." A kissed his little head and off we went.

I layed him down, gave him his binky, and sat on the floor. Thus proceeded some of the worst 20 minutes of my life. I let him cry. When he got too mad, I rubbed his back for a minute or two, put his binky in and sat back down. When he finally drifted off, I came back out to the living room and cried on A's shoulder. I've read the books. I've scoured the internet. I've talked to Dr's. and friends, and strangers. I'm still grasping at straws. I just don't know how to fix this.

When 1 am rolled around guess who woke up. A and I had already discussed this and decided that if he did wake up...which I wasn't sure if he would since he was exhausted...then I would put his binky in and let him cry. So after a few minutes, A kissed me and went to the guest room. I followed him to the bathroom and we stood there for a minute and listened. His cry was very quiet and it sounded like he was done. A still went to sleep in the guest room, but made me promise to come get him if I needed him.

I went back to bed and laid there. A couple minutes later he woke up and started crying. This time it was an hour of crying. Not screaming mind you, but babbling, whimpering, crying. Maybe worse than screaming. I got up once and put his binky in when he was at a low, and he stopped for a few minutes. That didn't last long, but eventually he fell asleep.

It was a really long night. Especially when he woke up at 5:30.

We decided that we would get his crib in the other room tonight. If we were going to get him to sleep through the night, it should be in his own room. So after I got home from work, we set about switching things around.

Then later...Dinner, play, bath, play, bottle. I was holding him and he was wide awake...no signs of sleeping. A and I were watching the gag reel on FRIENDS. I look down one minute eyes wide open, looking at his hands...next minute, eyes shut. CRAP. When I stood up, he opened his eyes, but then closed them as I started walking to his room. So I just laid him down, put binky in, and he hasn't moved yet. We'll see how this works tonight.

A and I went in and checked on him. We just stood there looking at him. I cried. It's been 6 months and I've had him close to me for all of those nights. I know this is good for us. I know it is. It's just a hard change. My boy is getting big right before my eyes. Oh yeah...and we can feel a tooth. It will most likely be here by morning.

Pray for us as we try to help our boy make this adjustment. Pray for a working mama, who might not be getting as much sleep as she needs. Pray for a Daddy who is doing such a wonderful job at supporting his crazy wife as she grasps at straws.

Summer Wedding.

I love my family. It's been hard being so far away from them since Mason has been born. So I really love when we get the chance to get home to see family. And you know me. I can't be anywhere without taking pictures. Well, I have found out how hard it is to take as many pictures as I usually do now that Mason is here. And this trip was pretty difficult. With Arick being the best man and all, I didn't get as much.

But here are a few that I did get.























I really love my family. :)
Welcome Betsy! We loved the wedding and the party! It was a blast!